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Not the best photo. It’s a little blurry because it was almost dark, and if I had better photos to choose from, this one probably wouldn’t have even made the cut. But I’m okay with that. It was a good night; this is the photo I have, and somehow that fits too.
Joy had a heifer tonight, and we named her Peace. It’s a P year on my farm, so it worked, but the name means more than that. Personally and spiritually, my life is at peace. I feel good about the direction I’m going, and even about the breeding decisions I’ve made with this herd and what I’m trying to build for the future. Tonight I got another heifer from a mating I had really hoped would give me one, which made an already good day a little better. Ironically, this is probably one of the busiest and most stressful seasons of my life. Three calves were born just today, on top of everything else I have going on, but somehow I’m still at peace in the middle of it.
Maybe part of my peace right now is being okay with things that aren’t perfect and not feeling like I have to have everything figured out. The blurry photo can just be the blurry photo from a good night without needing to turn it into something prettier than it was. There are problems I don’t know how to solve, things I can’t control, and plenty of uncertainty about what comes next, but none of that has to take away the peace I have right now.
I also know how privileged I am to say that. I can be at peace personally and spiritually while still having my heart hurt daily over what is happening outside my own little corner of the world. I think about the people suffering in Palestine and Lebanon, the people still carrying what they lost in the hurricane, people grieving someone they love, people who are sick or watching someone they love suffer, and people everywhere who are facing things they don’t know how to fix. I want peace for all of them. Having peace in my own life doesn’t make me want to retreat into it. It makes me want to use my time, my voice, and whatever opportunities I have to do some good while I’m here, even when I don’t know all the answers or exactly what I’m supposed to do.
Tonight Joy had Peace, and I think her name means a little more to me than just needing another P name.
